About our childhood

For  me,  childhood  is  the  time  when  there  is  not  enough  time  in  a  day.  You  can  argue  that  there's  not  enough  time  on  any  given  day,  but  in  my  case,  it  looks  like  it  was  the  only  time  when  I  couldn't  wait  for  any  next  minute  to  come  faster.  What  was  also  strange  is  that  I  was  still  immensely  enjoying  every  minute  while  it  passed.  It  was  just  this  hunger  to  see  [i]what's  next[/i].

What's  waiting  for  me  outside?  Were  my  friends  already  waiting  for  me  outdoors?  What  will  granny  make  for  lunch?  I  don't  think  I  ever  tasted  anything  better  than  my  granny's  buckwheat  dish  with  butter  and  fresh  tomatoes.  Sometimes  my  grandpa  made  his  special  scrambled  eggs,  that  I  wasn't  able  to  replicate  since,  though  I'm  sure  I  know  all  the  ingredients.  I  think  our  grandmas  and  grandpas  have  a  special  ingredient  that  you  unlock  later  in  life,  like  a  new  level  in  a  game,  when  you  suddenly  acquire  this  superpower  to  make  everything  taste  better  and  unique.

I  remember  going  outside  really  early  because  I  couldn't  wait  anymore  for  the  day  to  begin.  Noone  was  yet  outside.  My  grandma  didn't  want  to  let  me  go  so  early,  but  I  managed  to  convince  her.  Honestly,  I  don't  know  where  all  the  willpower  comes  that  parents  and  grandparents  have  to  deny  something  for  little  blue-eyed  and  red-cheeked  girls  that  ask  you  so  nicely?  I  don't  have  children  yet,  but  I  already  allow  them  anything  they  want  just  imagining  their  eyes  staring  at  me  with  that  desire  and  hunger  and  hope.

I  remember  that  I  liked  to  be  outside  so  much.  Looking  for  rocks,  looking  for  flowers  and  ladybugs,  gathering  leaves,  chasing  butterflies.  And  it  wasn't  only  [i]enough[/i],  it  was  [i]everything[/i].  Now  I  don't  go  outside  without  a  reason.  I  need  to  listen  to  audiobooks  or  podcasts,  or  someone  on  the  phone  call.  Otherwise,  I  don't  see  the  [i]point[/i].  And  I  don't  see  the  point  in  being  outside  just  for  butterflies  or  sunny  bunnies.  I  want  that  feeling  back  when  you  don't  want  the  day  to  end.

Back  then  the  seasons'  change  wasn't  as  sure  a  fact  (I  mean,  summer  came  6  years  in  a  row,  but  it  could  skip  the  7th,  right?),  and  each  of  those  seasons  was  a  separate  party  to  celebrate.  The  wonder  of  summer  cherries,  the  snowflakes,  the  blossoming  spring  trees,  the  golden  carpet  of  fallen  leaves,  and  all  the  wonderful  smells:  strawberries  with  sourcream,  new  books,  a  new  color  pen,  colorful  candies,  and  milk  chocolate.  I  think  when  we  are  children  we  are  little  buddhas,  understanding  the  universe  much  more  fully  than  our  parents,  without  the  knowledge  about  quantum  physics,  but  with  all  the  knowledge  we  need.  Like  small  curly  gods  with  our  hands  in  dirt  and  shirts  in  chocolate.  I  remember  how  daddy  gave  me  several  cents  for  ice  cream  and  I  thought  he  was  a  superman.  He  had  a  job,  that  paid  him  money  for  how  awesome  he  was,  and  for  that  money,  you  could  buy  candies.  He  surely  figured  life  out.

Do  you  remember  that  feeling  of  being  marvelous?  When  mother  hugs  you  and  whispers:  "I  love  you"  and  your  first  thought  is:  "Of  course  you  love  me.  I'm  me!".    Back  then  you  didn't  need  to  win  the  Nobel  Prize  to  deserve  someone's  love.  You  just  had  it  already.  Why  is  it  that  growing  up  you  start  to  fight  to  constantly  achieve  more  to  be  loved,  especially  by  yourself?  As  your  body  forms  and  you  grow  your  adult  teeth  you  start  to  wonder  if  you  add  anything  being  here.  Are  you  created  with  a  purpose  or  are  you  just  a  glitch,  a  result  of  that  specific  spermatozoid  reaching  that  specific  ovary  cell?  Maybe  it's  the  biology  class  that  shook  your  belief  in  your  divine  design  and  higher  purpose  on  Earth  when  you  discovered  that  just  as  simple  there  could  be  others  in  your  place  and  you  were  just  a  lucky  one.

I  want  to  teach  my  children  that  leading  small  lives  doesn't  mean  leading  insignificant  ones.  I  want  to  teach  them  that  you're  important  and  deserve  to  be  loved  even  if  you're  an  average  person  without  anything  to  offer.  I  want  to  teach  them  that  if  you  give  everything  you  have  to  anything  you  do,  you  already  lead  a  big  life.  Now  it's  time  to  believe  this  myself  before  those  children  are  born.  

адреса: https://www.poetryclub.com.ua/getpoem.php?id=924391
Рубрика: Лирика любви
дата надходження 07.09.2021
автор: Evergreen_Needle